Chapter 19: What My Soul Does When I Am Asleep by Stephen Simpson

March 06, 2024

Chapter 19: What My Soul Does When I Am Asleep by Stephen Simpson

After I get back to my hospital room and the orderly helps me back into my bed, I cannot fall asleep. It is not from sleeping all day, either. I am too afraid to fall asleep. Not afraid because I might dream about dark places and scary people, or even that my soul will go gallivanting. I am afraid Barclay will be at the lemon tree, and, even worse, that I would dream of meeting him there.

In my dreams, it feels as if we have done things I have never had the opportunity to actually do for real. The me in my dreams seems world-wise and full of experiences which I, in my awake world, have not even contemplated doing.

Now that I have met Barclay in the flesh, it would be mortifying to meet him under the lemon tree, to kiss him, to feel as if I love him.

He is in the same hospital room as my grandma, so it is not as if I can avoid him for the rest of my life. Pretend he is just this amazing, awesome boy I dream about. Basically, my ultimate dream guy.

I count the squares on the ceiling. Twenty-five down, twenty-five across. I am still busy calculating the amount in my head when I am walking across a green field. The grass is bottle green under my feet; butterflies flutter around me. It is a wide-open expanse of green. The sky is powder blue with a few wisps of feathery clouds on the horizon. In the middle of the green vastness, there is a tree.

I run toward Barclay, who is waiting for me there. He stands on the edge of the shadow under the lemon tree and the sunlight reflects brightly off his face, creating a halo around him.

The instant I reach him, I lift myself onto my toes and plant a kiss on his lips. I meant it as a statement, but the moment his lips cover mine, my intentions change. Everything else fades. Every inhibition and every doubt disappears. I let myself sink into him – his scent, the strength of his arms wrapped tightly around me. This is what I want. This is what I have always wanted. I am never, ever going to let him go.

When he moves away from me, I must remind myself to breathe.

“Gaby…” Shadows prevent me from reading his expression, but he sounds nervous.

He did not love me anymore? Did he even like me? Now that he knows me for real, he does not want to know me at all.

“Gaby …”

“Just say it already, Barclay.”

“I love you, Gaby.” He reaches for my hand and joins our fingers together.

“What?” I ask him unsure. I am feeling more than a little confused.

He raises our joined hands to his lips and kisses my fingers, while holding my eyes captive with his bright blue eyes. “I definitely love you.”

“But.”

“No buts, Gaby. We are stuck with each other forever; this is meant to be. Don’t you feel the connection?”

I do feel the connection. I remember him, everything about him. He reminds me of winter’s first snowfall, of the safety of home, and sunbeams dancing between the branches of a tree. It feels like only yesterday when we lived in the house on the corner together, the house decorated with sixties style furniture, a house that shares a wall with a church.

Barclay sits down with his back against the trunk of the lemon tree and settles me on his lap.

I snuggle my head into the crook of his shoulder. Nothing has ever felt so right.

“I love you, too,” I murmur.

His laugh blends with the wind in the leaves of the tree above us. With his finger under my chin, he tips my face up to look at him. “I cannot wait to watch your favourite movies with you, sing together to music while sharing earphones. I want to hold you when you’re sad, and on lazy Sundays I want to share a pillow with you.”

“I won’t let you down.” I grin. “I also want to do all of those things with you. You are not only my friend, you are my heart, my love, my life, my everything.”

“Gaby? Now that we’ve found each other, do you think we will be able to be a couple?” He sounds sad, yet hopeful.

“I’m not really sure what’s happening with my grandma and everything, so I don’t really know what’s going to happen to us. It makes me feel afraid.”

“I heard your parents talking with your grandma and her doctor, and they were saying they are going to be moving here. Your grandma cannot travel, and your mum is not leaving her. They said your dad has already started looking for a job here, and I think as soon as he finds one, it’ll be settled.”

“But what about you? Your grandparents live so far away.”

“Not too far away to visit and in two years we’ll be finished with school.” He hugs me closer to him. “It’s closer than England.”

A slight breeze rushes over my skin, bringing with it the smell of lemons. In the distance I see the shape of a lighthouse. Even though I was initially afraid of the beam of light from that lighthouse, I realise I just had to be brave enough to follow the light and to trust it will show me the right way to go.

Feeling a deep peace settle within me, I reach up and inch my hand around the nape of his neck. “Is this our happy ending, Barclay?”

“No.” He brushes his lips over mine. “This is the continuation of our story.”

This is the end and we hope you enjoyed reading this story!